It just rained for half an hour, and, given that the slugs and snails seem to like coming out in the wet, I thought that it would be wise to go and check that the nasturtiums weren’t being attacked again.

Thankfully I didn’t find any active attacks going on, but I did discover some very suspicious behaviour. I decided to fetch my Maglite just to have a better scout around, and I was horrified to discover the scale of the problem going on under the cover of darkness.

Witness here no less than three snails heading towards the nasturtiums (in the terracotta pot in the background):

These two were playing football with a stone.			Whilst this one was cavorting about on the sundial.
Worse was going on in the rockery amongst Nancy’s alpines - in fact some parts of it resembled a snail-orgy. Also, this was where I found the one and only slug (I was expecting to find loads).			Whilst other bits looked like a massacre had gone on, seemingly with gooey bits of goo just dripping off the leaves.

I couldn’t just stand back and let this happen, so I chose to dispose of some of them by easing them carefully off whatever they were munching on and chucking them over the fence into the undergrowth behind our garden. I’m fairly sure that this isn’t particularly healthy for them - and I felt a pang of guilt when I heard the first couple hit the ground in the distance. However, after a while I began to get a taste for it and enjoyed throwing them progressively further, higher and harder. This probably means I’m a bad person.

In fact, I’m definitely a bad person because this hunting sport became rather addictive and it wasn’t until I released that it was nearly one in the morning and I’d spent 45 minutes out there evicting 92 snails from my property that I saw reason and came back indoors. I rest assured though that that particular motley crew won’t trouble the nasturtiums tonight. Of course there are probably hundreds more lurking unseen biding their time to avenge their buddies’ deportations but you have to start somewhere.

Yes, you read that right, I hurled 92 snails. I’m not sure which is more worrying - the fact that I hurled 92 snails or the fact that I counted every single one of them.